Having a baby is no small feat. The whole process; conception, pregnancy, birth and motherhood, it changes you. I would like to think for the better. Having Hunter totally changed the way in which I see myself and how I want to live.
I have never been one to appreciate my body for what it was. I used to diet and strive for an unattainable version of perfection. I would reach it sometimes but it never lasted for more than a month or two. Then it was back to square one. I’ve always been very critical of myself. I was petrified of what anyone would think. My eating habits resembled that of a roller coaster. Binging on burgers oneday, lettuce the next, there was no consistency. Cheat meals were used as a way to eat everything.
I would never leave the house without make up on, not even to go to my parents house for dinner. I even wore makeup to have my caesarian. I remember on a school camp I woke up early one morning to run an exercise session with some students. One of the Year 6 boys told me he didn't recognise me. He was shortly scolded by his classmates who told him never to comment on a girls appearance. It was a laughable teaching moment but one that stuck with me. If kids thought that what would adults be thinking. 5am gym sessions were the only time you’d catch me without makeup on.
The moment I held Hunter in my arms it all changed. He was going to be around me every second of my day. Did I really want Hunter growing up with the above as his role model? A Mum who couldn’t control herself around a packet of chips or who would barely eat anything. A Mum who was afraid to look herself, heck, even be herself around certain people. Things had to change. I made a conscious decision to embrace me. To not worry about what people think. What I wore or how I looked didn’t define me as a mother and it shouldn’t control my day either. I made changes to my diet, slowly transitioning to a plant based diet. It’s probably been the best decision I’ve made. My skin is clearer, I have more energy and each day is full of fresh colourful food. I wear less makeup now, and while my bright lips are still something I look forward to putting on I don’t need them for a trip to buy groceries and that’s the same for my heels. You still won’t see me leaving the house in trackies, (I’m still scarred from the fluro triggers phase) but I can forgo the makeup and the added height.
The change didn’t happen overnight. 8 months on and I’m still making small changes every day but it’s all me now. A happier, healthier me. Oneday I'll tell Hunter how he changed my life but for now my endless cuddles and kisses will have to suffice.